In the spirit of Davism

Added 10/11/98
  • Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.
  • Dear God, I want patience... NOW!!
  • Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving probably isn't for you.
  • There are two rules to success in life. #1 is never reveal all your secrets.
    Davism's Corrolary - #2 is when you do reveal your secrets, lie about them.
  • A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.
  • On an atheist's tombstone - Here lies an atheist; all dressed up and no place to go.
  • A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.
  • I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of many gods.
  • When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  • Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
  • The sum of society's intelligence is less than the average of it's individual parts.
  • I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary decent people are fed up in this country of being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am.
  • My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
  • i souport publik edekasion
  • Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
  • As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
  • Gravity isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
  • Entropy isn't just a fad, it's the future!
  • Give a man a match and he'll be warm for an hour...
    Set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  • Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
  • How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
  • If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
  • If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
  • Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
  • Could you call dieting wishful shrinking?
    Older Davisms
  • Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
  • You know how most packages say "Open here?". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
  • The light went out, but where to?
  • How come when I call Information, they can't tell me where my keys are?
  • If progress is technology moving forward, what is Congress?
  • Don't think that you are thinking. If you think you are thinking, then you only think you are thinking.
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
  • If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
  • Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
  • If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
  • Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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